Be true to yourself

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” – Hardy D. Jackson

I had a dilemma in my life recently where I had to choose between this: be true to myself and let go of a massive opportunity, or keep on soldiering on and let others down.

I had been offered to take a group fitness class once a week at the place that I had completed work experience at. At first I felt honoured. I was focused upon the benefits of this opportunity – the experience I would gain, the extra money I could save up. I never once asked myself “am I compatible for this?”

So as time went on, I attended a class a week to shadow my trainer and learn through observation. This was all good and dandy while I was watching from the side-lines. However, I found that when I was asked to help him out in a more involved way, it no longer looked nice and dandy. I am not a shy person, I love meeting new people. It has become one of my many hobbies. However, I do not possess the persona required for the task I was being asked to complete. And yes, experience and hard work can help to get me there, but was this honouring myself?

There was one day when I knew that I had to attend the session – and take the warm-up. I wasn’t dreading it as such, however I wasn’t physically able to move. I recognised that I must have known deep down inside of me that this is not the path that I wanted to take. I called up my trainer, informing him that I was ill and unable to attend. What he said to me in reply surprised me: “If you are not committed to this, you will have to let me know soon so that I can get someone else to replace you”. Wow – I was not aware that others could see it in me too.

I thought over it for a while, never quite reaching a decision as I was torn between the two options. I prayed over it, and talked to friends about it, desperately hoping that someone would give me the answer as I was too indecisive to make it myself.

One night, after I had sent up my prayer, I got a phone call from my mum. She told me of an inspirational speaker who was speaking at a church service at St Michael’s, a church I have never visited. This church is situated in the CBD and I was hesitant to attend the service as it takes a while to travel into the city from my house. However, something was pulling me towards it and so the next day, I found myself sitting on the train on my way to St Michael’s.

When I listened to the speaker – I was amazed. The topic of her speech was ‘Do you know who you are?’ and was based a lot around our life’s purpose. She accentuated how to be capable of finishing a task, we have to be equipped for it. We have to possess all of the qualities and skills that it takes to finish the task. Sounds simple right? She gave examples of people who became physically ill when they were ill-equipped to finish a task, or it was simple not true for them.

I remember thinking to myself – is this my prayer being answered right in front of me? Is this God looking down upon me and saying “Em, this task you have given yourself is not your true path”?

I was still not convinced. I was aware of the wisdom that this particular speaker had shared with me as I sat in that church. However; I needed more than this. So I called upon a friend of mine.

This friend that I speak of has only known me for a month or so. Even so, I feel as if he has known me forever. He seems to know me deep down into my soul. He picks up things in me before I recognise them myself. A true gift if you ask me.

This is what my friend said to me after I explained my situation to him

“It’s obvious to me mind you that your heart isn’t truly in it. Honestly, if you keep prolonging the situation at hand you will keep letting yourself down. And that’s ok, look at it like this, if you dismiss yourself from it then you are genuinely helping someone else out who really wants the door of opportunity to open in this area of their life. You will be helping them with out them even knowing it.”
Ok, I said to myself. Now God has answered my prayer. All I need to do now is end this thing once and for all!
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